I totally ignore her. I ask the cab driver to please stop at a convenience store, as I need to buy some groceries. The cab driver obliges. I'm at the back of the store, head buried in the refrigerator when I hear this rumbling noise that sounds like a jet fighter getting louder and LOUDER. A Harley-Davidson pulls up outside the store's door, the helmeted rider ignores the "No helmets worn inside" sign and walks straight up to the cashier. I can't hear what his muffled voice is saying, but I duck for cover behind the well stacked shelves. The cashier hands the rider a packet of smokes and change and he leaves.
I put my bought groceries between me and the girl, still ignoring her. Pretending to look out the window, she starts to talk. "You know, Mr Gabriel has always had a soft spot for me." She turned her gaze towards me "I'm sure he'd like to hear you treated me well" she said with that very familiar, come hither, look on her face. Without returning her gaze I respond "Lady, I don't know you, I've only just met Mr Gabriel tonight, and to be honest, I couldn't give fried fig leaf, if he has a soft or a hard spot for you!". I toss a $20 into the drivers seat, and tell the cabbie "Driver, I'll be getting out here." I take the lift, tip toe past sticky-nose Dwayne Wayne's unit and quietly unlock my door.
"Honey I'm home", I call out loudly to my girlfriend, but there's no answer. Upon entering the dimly lit lounge room, I was taken aback by a diabolical sight. An empty tub of my favourite "Connoisseur" ice cream, my davy crockett raccoon hat, with 2 tails, lying on the nicely set out dinning table, a bottle floating in the wine cooler, molten wax down the sides of the candle holder, chocolate wrappers strewn all over the floor beside a screwed up Invitation. I pick up her Invitation and say to it, "we are both screwed".
The bedroom door is open and I hesitate before entering. It's very quiet in there, deadly quiet.
I step into the room, and the temperature is literally 10 degrees colder in there, than the lounge room. I can feel the goosebumps rising on my bare skin. And there she is. Sitting up in bed, flicking savagely through a magazine, trying her hardest not to look totally pissed off! Her gaze never leaves the pages, though she is seeing nothing but red. "Hi honey, I'm home!" I say with fake cheer. "I remembered the milk, and I won $300 at the casino!" I say, showing her the money, knowing full well nothing is going to save me from the onslaught thundering in my direction. Okay, the silent treatment, too tired to care, so off to sleep now and wait for the wrath tomorrow.
The door bells rings, and rings again, and again. I open my eyes to see the afternoon sun streaming through the gaps in the curtains like laser beams. Yawning, I crawl out of bed and open the door in my girlfriend's pink floral dressing gown. Standing right in front of me, side by side, are to men dressed in black, with white shirts, black ties and very dark sun glasses. "Yeah" I say. The shorter guy says "This is Dan, I'm John". Courteously I reply "I'm John Wayne". "We know that" says the taller guy, Dan, "Can we come in?"
Before I answer, they enter my unit. Dan's holding something, he quickly waves in my face with a cheeky smile. It's my wallet! I go to grab it off him but he pulls it back out of reach quickly, “We'd feel there's going to be a reward here, Mr Wayne?“ “We'd assume you can afford it“ John says with a smile as well. ”You’d assume?” I say with indignation, “Nice thing to assume, what makes you think that? They both laugh sarcastically and hand me my wallet. It's fat and a lot heavier than I remember it, but there’s a lot I don’t remember about last night. The extra “fat” is a healthy wad of fifty and hundred dollar notes. Probably ten grand minimum. I smile sheepishly ”Ah yes sorry, of course”. I pull out a few hundred each and give it to them, it was of course a nice surprise to get your missing wallet back and full of mystery cash no less.
”Well, are we good?” I say wondering out loud why they haven’t left yet. They shrug their shoulders and stroll back out the door and out of my life. I sit down on the couch and the hangover kicks in, the mystery cash makes it a little better but then I have a think about the girlfriend and the hangover suddenly gets worse again and wonder to myself where she has got to. The front door unlocks with a rattle....
Before I can provide an answer, the cabana boy interrupts our conversation, holding a telephone with an urgent call for Mr Crowe. Agitated by his inability to work the machine and lack of assistance provided, Russell proceeds to violently fling the machine towards the cabana boy, but manages to narrowly miss him and somehow connect with my face causing a laceration and blood to pour down my chin. From nowhere my neighbour appears, wearing $100 casino chips on her earrings, necklace and bracelet. She wipes the blood away and applies a band-aid on my chin. I stare in amazement as she walks away, still never have spoken a word to her. The cabana boy brings me the chilled Corona, I give Crowe the thumbs up. On the water's edge, the Boss and Tiny, in budgie smugglers, are staring out to sea, like they are waiting for something.
The Boss and Tiny looked at each other, looked back at me and Russell, then back at each other again. The Boss said to Tiny and said "Quid accidit irrumabo nocte" Tiny replied "Nescio. Et iterum ego magis" as he shook his head slowly, and lowered his eyes.
The Boss looked back at me and Russell again, and I could see anger in his eyes "Unus ex duobus qui moritur hac nocte. Nunc quis quam ego non curo!". I had no idea what was being said, it all sounded Latin to me. I felt like I was in an episode of Twin Peaks!
I put my bought groceries between me and the girl, still ignoring her. Pretending to look out the window, she starts to talk. "You know, Mr Gabriel has always had a soft spot for me." She turned her gaze towards me "I'm sure he'd like to hear you treated me well" she said with that very familiar, come hither, look on her face. Without returning her gaze I respond "Lady, I don't know you, I've only just met Mr Gabriel tonight, and to be honest, I couldn't give fried fig leaf, if he has a soft or a hard spot for you!". I toss a $20 into the drivers seat, and tell the cabbie "Driver, I'll be getting out here." I take the lift, tip toe past sticky-nose Dwayne Wayne's unit and quietly unlock my door.
"Honey I'm home", I call out loudly to my girlfriend, but there's no answer. Upon entering the dimly lit lounge room, I was taken aback by a diabolical sight. An empty tub of my favourite "Connoisseur" ice cream, my davy crockett raccoon hat, with 2 tails, lying on the nicely set out dinning table, a bottle floating in the wine cooler, molten wax down the sides of the candle holder, chocolate wrappers strewn all over the floor beside a screwed up Invitation. I pick up her Invitation and say to it, "we are both screwed".
The bedroom door is open and I hesitate before entering. It's very quiet in there, deadly quiet.
I step into the room, and the temperature is literally 10 degrees colder in there, than the lounge room. I can feel the goosebumps rising on my bare skin. And there she is. Sitting up in bed, flicking savagely through a magazine, trying her hardest not to look totally pissed off! Her gaze never leaves the pages, though she is seeing nothing but red. "Hi honey, I'm home!" I say with fake cheer. "I remembered the milk, and I won $300 at the casino!" I say, showing her the money, knowing full well nothing is going to save me from the onslaught thundering in my direction. Okay, the silent treatment, too tired to care, so off to sleep now and wait for the wrath tomorrow.
The door bells rings, and rings again, and again. I open my eyes to see the afternoon sun streaming through the gaps in the curtains like laser beams. Yawning, I crawl out of bed and open the door in my girlfriend's pink floral dressing gown. Standing right in front of me, side by side, are to men dressed in black, with white shirts, black ties and very dark sun glasses. "Yeah" I say. The shorter guy says "This is Dan, I'm John". Courteously I reply "I'm John Wayne". "We know that" says the taller guy, Dan, "Can we come in?"
Before I answer, they enter my unit. Dan's holding something, he quickly waves in my face with a cheeky smile. It's my wallet! I go to grab it off him but he pulls it back out of reach quickly, “We'd feel there's going to be a reward here, Mr Wayne?“ “We'd assume you can afford it“ John says with a smile as well. ”You’d assume?” I say with indignation, “Nice thing to assume, what makes you think that? They both laugh sarcastically and hand me my wallet. It's fat and a lot heavier than I remember it, but there’s a lot I don’t remember about last night. The extra “fat” is a healthy wad of fifty and hundred dollar notes. Probably ten grand minimum. I smile sheepishly ”Ah yes sorry, of course”. I pull out a few hundred each and give it to them, it was of course a nice surprise to get your missing wallet back and full of mystery cash no less.
”Well, are we good?” I say wondering out loud why they haven’t left yet. They shrug their shoulders and stroll back out the door and out of my life. I sit down on the couch and the hangover kicks in, the mystery cash makes it a little better but then I have a think about the girlfriend and the hangover suddenly gets worse again and wonder to myself where she has got to. The front door unlocks with a rattle....
Before I can provide an answer, the cabana boy interrupts our conversation, holding a telephone with an urgent call for Mr Crowe. Agitated by his inability to work the machine and lack of assistance provided, Russell proceeds to violently fling the machine towards the cabana boy, but manages to narrowly miss him and somehow connect with my face causing a laceration and blood to pour down my chin. From nowhere my neighbour appears, wearing $100 casino chips on her earrings, necklace and bracelet. She wipes the blood away and applies a band-aid on my chin. I stare in amazement as she walks away, still never have spoken a word to her. The cabana boy brings me the chilled Corona, I give Crowe the thumbs up. On the water's edge, the Boss and Tiny, in budgie smugglers, are staring out to sea, like they are waiting for something.
The Boss and Tiny looked at each other, looked back at me and Russell, then back at each other again. The Boss said to Tiny and said "Quid accidit irrumabo nocte" Tiny replied "Nescio. Et iterum ego magis" as he shook his head slowly, and lowered his eyes.
The Boss looked back at me and Russell again, and I could see anger in his eyes "Unus ex duobus qui moritur hac nocte. Nunc quis quam ego non curo!". I had no idea what was being said, it all sounded Latin to me. I felt like I was in an episode of Twin Peaks!